Congratulations on your pregnancy! You’re about to enter a world with more love than you’ve ever known. And more laundry than you know what to do with.
Here’s what you’re in for:
You clean everything with special detergent that smells like pink baby unicorns. Ooh and ah at the teeny tiny socks peeking from neat, color-coordinated piles. Marvel at the fact that all of baby’s clothes fit into just one drawer and baby’s blankets and sheets fit into another.
Week 1 and 2
Two drawers of baby’s dresser become dedicated to the slightly stiff swaddle blankets with hospital stripes that (ahem) somehow managed to get into your bag. That “going home outfit” you debated so much about? Baby will either have thrown up on it or pooped out its side in the gap between tiny leg and diaper. Or both. Yes, you completely under-appreciated the hospital’s laundry service.
Weeks 3 and 4
Baby outgrows all newborn clothing one day between breakfast and lunch. (Not that baby has any sense time.) The majority of outfits you cooed over at the baby shower go into a storage tub. The rest that still fit are either in the dryer or sitting in the basket emanating the smell of curdled milk.
Months 2 and 3
Baby’s epic blowouts involve you cutting off onesies and throwing them in the trash. Pajamas and daytime clothes become interchangeable. You give up on the cloth changing pad cover because you keep forgetting to buy another. Plus, wiping plastic down is easier than decontaminating it one. more. time.
Months 4 to 12
You are in awe of each milestone and the fact that such a small human can generate such enormous piles of dirty clothes. You think your machine could break and suspect it’s eating small socks in protest. You won’t be able to find matching socks if your life depended on it. This is fine. All baby wants to do is chew on them anyway, preferably while wearing them.
Thirteen to 24 Months
These months will all be one big blur involving mashed carrot splotches, yogurt splotches, spaghetti sauce splotches, grass stains, and that-better-be-chocolate splotches.
24 Months to 35 Months
Are you really still counting months? Okay then. Baby’s mobility combined with a new sense of discovery equals a destructive force to reckon with. And those aren’t armholes. They’re holes through the knees of baby’s pants. All of them.
Baby is no longer a baby (or a toddler for that matter). You’ve officially got a “big kid”! Big kid has a strong opinion. So when big kid wishes to wear a favorite pair fire truck pajamas to pre-school every single day, you might as well go with it. It’s less laundry.